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Michelle Obama Breaks Down In Tears After Melania Trump Destroys Her ‘Legacy’

A spokesperson for Melania Trump let the cat out of the bag early Wednesday morning that the future First Lady has decided what her main initiative will be when her husband takes office and Michelle Obama is not going to like it. Speaking under condition of anonymity, the spokesman revealed to CBS News that Mrs. Trump will be restoring the federal school lunch program to something children will actually eat.

“One of the things Melania Trump is most troubled by is that children are being served inadequate and unappetizing meals in school in the name of nutrition,” said the aide, “When she learned that the First Lady can help mold school menus into something they look forward to rather than something they despise, she was thrilled.”

According to the spokesman, Mrs. Trump isn’t planning on putting fryolators back in school cafeterias or serving Twinkies and cupcakes for lunch, but she does believe that a diet with steady carbs and enticing fruits and vegetables would be more appealing to schoolchildren who have been living for the past eight years with lunches like these:

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Melania decided to take on the initiative after learning that children who couldn’t stomach the lunches were going hungry and couldn’t even muster enough energy to do anything but sit down during recess. “She believes in children, food and recess. What can I say, she’s a great mom,” her spokesman said, “while her husband fixes Barack Obama’s mess, she’ll make sure history forgets Michelle Obama.”

That sounds great. Now how about a refund for all the vacations?

Michelle Obama is so distraught over Melania’s move to bring flavor and satisfaction back to school lunches that she cancelled her schedule for the day, presumably to stay in and sulk.

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